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The Edge of Endings

Channeled by Susan Page

Copyright June 2000

Chapter 1

After a journey of many years and much searching, I found my way to the edge of the earth.

It was much as I imagine it would be - although I don't know why, as I've never met anyone who has been here.

Most people don't want to remember it’s here and would never come to see it.

Parents are reluctant to tell their children about this place, but feel they must as a warning. It's much like teaching them to stay away from a hot fire or come inside after dark, for safety you know.

But I, having been a lone wanderer for most of my life, have seen most things there are to see. This is the last of course.

After pondering for some minutes, hours or days - when the Spirit hits me, when I know it is time - I will do the thing most feared by everyone and I will jump off the edge. For now however, I will sit at a safe distance - as I want to go on my own terms, not slip and fall over the edge. I will jump!

Sitting on my rock here, I feel satisfied, totally at peace as I look about.

The edge seems very straight – “cut and dry,” some may say - and very matter of fact. As though one of the Gods came along with a huge sharp knife, sliced the earth, destroyed the other half, then it disappeared. Looking straight out as far as the eye can see - is well, nothing - just a soft lavender glow with some kind of silver sparkles here and there. Then, while holding onto a tree close to the edge, as far down as I can see… just black. Next to the ground where I am sitting is a massive waterfall - the water rushes to get to the edge then falls into blackness. Soon I shall fall too.

You may ask why I have come to this “the edge of endings” as the old ones say. Why didn't I take a job, a wife, have children and be content with life? The answer is bluntly, " I don't know. " I don't begrudge those who are living that life. I say "good for them," but no, not for me. I want more, or maybe less, something very deep, or perhaps not deep at all, something that - just is - or isn't, something that is solid and certain inside myself, a knowing, but not knowing what.

When I was much younger, I thought I could find this thing, but even now at the “edge of endings,” even though I am satisfied to be here - and somewhat complete - this is not it and there is no other place to look.

So, we all take our lot in life. As I accept mine.

After sitting quietly for a while, I realize I have nothing left to think about, nothing to ponder. All my thoughts are old ones and I'm tired of them, they bore me.

I thought I might sit here for days and at least experience something, even some fear, but I feel nothing - just like the total blackness below.

Having been here less than half a day - I feel certain it is time to jump. I leave my pack with a few meaningless belongings and these words for no one to find. Then I get up and without an emotion or thought I stand at the edge - the deafening water to my left, an edge of a rock to my right, darkness below.

Without a sound I jump and start falling. I am falling close to the rocky cliff and think I might be dashed to pieces, but an undercurrent of air seems to move me away. How long can I fall and still be conscious? Then it occurs to me, perhaps there is no bottom and I will fall forever. Well, maybe I can enjoy this falling. I feel light. I feel a warm breeze on my face like a soft whisper - perhaps the sweet breath of a beautiful woman.

At first I think I was falling head over heels because my stomach felt queasy, but now it's like I'm flying with a parachute – you know spread eagle, but it's so hard to tell as I can't see anything. It doesn't matter if I have my eyes open or closed. It's just black. Any moment, any second, I could crash land or if I am still near the cliff, I could bash into the side and sweet death would take me. I had a thought to thank my body for being so good to me, which I did. Then I waited. Another thought, perhaps I'm already dead and for some uncanny reason I didn't feel any pain, so I haven't figured it out yet. How can I know? It seems I have fallen miles, for hours. I had no idea the earth was this wide or maybe I have fallen past the earth and will continue to fall into black empty space. I tried to quiet my mind - after all there was still really nothing to think about - but I kept coming up with nonsense. Well, if I thought life on the planet was not for me, I guess I taught myself a lesson in futility with all this falling. I smiled to myself. Hmm, a dead man smiling, that made me laugh out loud! Have I found my own hell? Could there be others that jumped before me still falling?

Suddenly, I had a strange sensation. I felt like I had stopped falling, like I was suspended in air. What could have stopped me? I reached around to know if I could feel anything different. The air thicker perhaps, but no, there was only that soft whisper of air. I pondered and thought, I’m just sure I'm not moving. If I'm not moving why is the air moving? Everything should be still. Then I felt the air grow stronger and had the sensation I was rising up. How could that be possible? I wasn't frightened, just curious. I noticed the more I thought about rising up, the more the air was moving. When I thought about falling, something was different. I still felt some air but not as much. When I felt I was just hanging, the air movement seemed to come and go.

Well, I wanted to experience something different, but this sure isn't it. I tried to quiet my thoughts; then I had a very strange feeling of being watched. I stared into the blackness but could see nothing, yet I felt I was not alone. Out of the blackness it seems a shape was forming. I blinked, but I could barely see a mass moving, different from all the blackness.

This energy, I'll call it, seemed somewhat gray or even a milky color, almost like a jelly fish only much larger, floating in the blackness. I didn't feel afraid, only interested to see what would develop.

The energy floated for some time, then started to change. Suddenly I realized it seemed to be taking the shape of a human. I could make out legs, arms and a head. Now I could see features in the face. It was an old man with gray hair and beard, dark eyes and kind of an amused smile. Of course I said to myself, “I am hallucinating.”

“No,” said the man, "you are not hallucinating.” “I am as real as you are. As real as you ever were.”

For the first time, I felt some fear. Perhaps there really was a hell and I was about to be initiated.

“No,” said the man, “Hell is for those who believe in it. This is certainly not hell.”

“Well, for God's sake, where is this place?” I asked.

“Ah,” said the man, “so you already know where you are.”

“I have no clue,” I admitted.

“You just said it. This place is for God's sake.” That answer shocked me. “What do you mean for God's sake?” I could still feel the soft whisper of breeze. “And what is causing the breeze I feel?”

“Oh that,” replied the old man “those are your wings.”

“My what?” I asked, appalled at his answer.

“Your wings,” the old man smiled.

I was in shock. “I don't have any bloody wings,” I shouted at him.

“You do now,” he said with a chuckle. “You got them as soon as you jumped over the edge. Don't think you’re special though, everyone who jumps gets a pair.”

“You can't be serious,” I said. “You mean I'm dead and I'm an angel?”

The man laughed out loud “No, far from it,” he replied. “Try them for yourself and you'll see.”

“How do I do that?” I asked, almost starting to believe him.

“Just think about what you want to do, where you want to fly and so be it!” the man said.

I know this is absurd, but for the first time I became afraid of falling. As I was thinking about giving them a try a thought occurred to me and I asked, “How in the world will I know if I'm flying up or down in all this blackness?”

“What blackness?” The man asked, astonished.

I was angry now, but before I got a chance to speak a flicker of recognition crossed his face.

“You are in total darkness,” he said

“Of course I am,” I shouted at him. Then I paused a moment and shouted, “Aren't you?”

“No,” said the man.

“How can that be?” I asked. “We are in the same space.”

The man pondered, started to speak, stopped, then began again. “Well, for the sake of argument, I guess you could say we're in the same physical locality, but we're certainly not in the same space. When you looked down before you jumped you saw the edge of endings, death to you, so your mind interpreted it as black.”

“Well, isn't it black?” I asked, getting really annoyed.

“I suppose that depends on what you think,” he replied. “Try this,” he said. “Close your eyes and think about being in your mother's kitchen when you were a boy. Remember smelling the fresh bread baking in the big oven.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked loudly.

“Do you want to try it or stay blind?” The man asked.

“Ok, ok,” I grumbled. I closed my eyes and tried to remember that scene. Sure enough, there it was. For a moment it really seemed I was a child again. The bread baking reminded me of my mother’s softness and her loving voice.

I was jerked back to my reality by the man's soothing voice saying, “Now, just pretend when you open your eyes you are in a beautiful place.”

Fat chance, I thought, but I pictured a warm ocean and soft sand below, blue sky with puffy clouds. I opened my eyes and to my utter surprise there was my beach. I quickly remembered to think, up. Higher and higher I went. The man was there with me, but I don't remember him having wings. “How can this be?” I exclaimed in total amazement.

He just smiled. “When you shake yourself loose, completely free from the make believe reality that you are sure is real, then you can manifest, create, whatever it is you want.”

I actually had no idea what he was talking about at the time.

“You see,” he continued, “people in your realm see with their eyes, interpret a meaning they believe to be real and feel and act according to their interpretations. Rocks are hard. Water is wet.”

“But those things are real!” I exclaimed. This man must be crazy. Oh, now I remember I am the one hallucinating so it is me who is crazy, dead and crazy. “I remember now,” I muttered.

The man continued, “You decided long before your birth to create a realm where things seem real so when you are there you believe they are real, otherwise the game of life wouldn't be as interesting. It wouldn't elicit the challenges, the emotions, the learning, the choices, the seemingly importance of it all.”

I was quiet and just looked at him.

“Maybe you can understand this. Pretend you are in a play. This play will go on for a long time. You know the gist of the plot, but you were not given any lines. You are told your lines are impromptu. Just say what comes to your mind. This play has an unlimited budget for scenery and props. The other actors have the same instructions. The stage is your realm and I must say you have created an extremely beautiful stage, oceans, sand, sky, mountains, countries, cities, towns, flowers, trees. Then, of course for variety - brilliant idea - to create weather, parts of the realm having different terrain and the glory of it all, the actors. Different colors, languages, costumes, ideas of how they want things to be. Excellent!” He was laughing and clapping his hands with glee. He reminded me of a delighted child.

“Oh, now I understand,” I said aloud. “I didn't really jump! I must have fallen asleep and this is all a strange dream. When I wake up the man will be gone and I will jump!”

The old man just looked at me. “No matter,” he said, “you can think you are dreaming if you want.”

“What else can I think?” I asked.

The old man just looked at me for what seemed like a long time. Then he asked, “Remember when you were a child playing? You pretended to be a soldier fighting a battle, using a towel as a cape and a stick as a sword?”

“Yes, I remember,” I replied.

“Well, part of you really thought you were that soldier and part of you knew in the back of your consciousness, you were really a small child. The same thing is happening here, you are playing a part but unlike the child who also remembered he was a child, you have completely forgotten who you are except for,”.…. he paused.

“Except for what?” I asked, getting irritated.

“The part of you that has kept you searching!” he exclaimed.

For the first time I found myself becoming interested. I felt my irritation subside and my body become calm. After all, even if this is a dream, perhaps I could learn what this nagging force has been and what the hell I have been searching for. My mind felt like a clean empty slate. I had no preconceived thoughts about “this thing” that had ruled my life and taken me to the edge and to my death.

“I must say,” the man continued, "most of the players, the people, don't have the que as strong as you do."

“What is the que?” I asked.

“Oh, just my word for, hmm, wanting, desire, open to The Realm Of All.”

“What is The Realm Of All?” I asked.

“Oh, it certainly includes your world, but it also includes everything else. The Realm Of All doesn't have any time, no limits. You might think it is, ah, magical, but The Realm Of All includes the laws of expansion, imagination and all possibilities.”

“Sounds like quite a place. I’d like to visit some time,” I said.

“Well,” the man replied, “you have been there. That's where all the casting happens, actually part of you is still there… and that's what you have been searching for. Somehow you knew - a job, a wife, wouldn't fill that need. The need to find yourself.”

“Myself,” I shouted, “What do you mean…myself? I am myself right here.” Yet, even while I was protesting, I was intrigued. “I'm not into all that religious stuff you know.”

“This isn't religion,” the man replied, “it's just the way things are. Your Self is made from energy, intelligence and love.”

“You mean like a guardian angel?” I asked.

“No,” the man said, “this Self gives you complete freedom. The Self lets you make your own choices, your own mistakes, and create your own reality.”

“That sounds like God,” I muttered.

The man smiled. “You've got it!” He replied.

My eyes got big. “But I'm not God,” exI exclaimed.

The man got a worried look on his face, but couldn't hold the expression and broke out laughing. “Hmm, I didn't know that and here….all along I thought you were.”

“Of course not!” I exclaimed. “If I were God I would change the whole damn world,” I yelled.

“Oh,” said the man quietly. Still smiling, “You would write the whole script, all the lines for all the players, I see.”

“Well, no of course not," I said, “but I'd sure get rid of hunger, poverty, sickness and war. No one wants those things.”

“Hmm, remember when you were a small boy?” What was your favorite game?”

“Well, I guess Cowboys and Indians,” I replied.

“And you and your friends chased each other around and killed each other?” the man asked.

“Well, yes, but that was only a game,” I said.

“Exactly,” said the man.

“But this isn't game!” I exclaimed.

“Oh really?” the man said, still smiling.

I had no reply. What if this man - real or dream, now it didn't seem to matter - what if, just what if, this really was the way things work and what if no one knew. As if he could read my thoughts the old man said, “Actually, this is a time of great awakening. There have been many such times in your history. This time though there are people all over your world being drawn tightly into the Que. Oh, I don't mean people are rushing to jump over the edge, but people who want this information are attracting it in their own personal ways. This is very good because it causes expansion of all realms.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

The man replied, “All realms are connected to each other - energy transfers in and out, back in fourth, sometimes dancing together, sometimes flowing away to dance elsewhere. Everything is part of The Realm Of All. Perfect as it is, yet in each movement, growing in perfection and experience. Each thought, no matter how big or small, each intention, each vibration, moves the energy of the whole. It is really quite exciting.”

This information was hard for me to grasp. Yet, I envisioned brightly colored energy of infinite space with no time, full of life, ultimate intelligence, creativity and possibility, embracing in fluid motion memories of history full of meaning, yet without any meaning. Learning and growing with every breath.

The wonder of it all filled me with a sense of being part of the whole, not a speck, but a knowing I am the whole. I am the energy dancing, flowing, moving. I always have been and I always will be. I completely forgot I had been searching. Now I knew there is nothing to find, nowhere to go, as I have been here all along, I realized I am God. Everyone and everything is God as God is all there is.

The old man was looking into my eyes and I noticed the love that had been there all along. “Well,” he said, “I guess it's time for you to go back.”

“Go back?” “No, I want to stay here with you,” I mumbled. I wanted to protest, but I was softened with knowing and love. “If I go back, how can I remember the truth and live knowing we are all players in this consciousness expanding world?”

“You can’t really,” said the old man. “It would defeat the purpose of being in your world. You must believe it's real to have some interest, some stake in the outcome of things.”

“But that's not fair!” I exclaimed.

“Fair?” The old man looked surprise. “It's neither fair nor unfair. It's just the way it is. You will not always remember, but you will have many clues, very obvious clues if you look for them. These clues are communication from the whole of the dance, The Realm Of All. When you awake in the morning, set your intent to see the clues and each day they will become more clear to you. Of course, there is also the thread.”

The thread, I wondered, what is that?

“Oh, it’s the path you follow that brings you to who you really are. It is the invisible ribbon you hold in your hand, that leads you to find the you behind the mask. The bright light in the midst of the gray confusion. The truth in the mist of old worn out lies. The innocence the ego cannot touch. The wisdom that follows you waiting to be unfolded, the gladness and love of the dance.”

I woke up. I was leaning against my rock near the edge of endings. I was very surprised at myself for actually falling asleep at a time like this and I had this very unusual dream! I thought about my dream for a while with strange mixed feelings. It was more a pleasant feeling of all is well, maybe even a feeling of ecstasy, than remembering any actual details. Finally, I shook it off and decided it was time to jump. I leave my pack with a few meaningless belongings and these words for no one to find. Then I get up and without an emotion or thought I stand at the edge - the deafening water to my left, an edge of rock to my right, darkness below.

Without a sound I jump and start falling. I am falling close to the rocky cliff and think I might be dashed to pieces, but an undercurrent of air seems to move me away. How long can I fall and still be conscious? Then it occurs to me, perhaps there is no bottom and I will fall forever. Well, maybe I can enjoy this falling. I feel light. I feel a warm breeze on my face, like a soft whisper, perhaps the sweet breath of a beautiful woman………….

The End…..For Now

Notes from Susan – When I channeled this story in June 2000 I was in France. I had open heart surgery in 1999 and decided I needed to pick myself up from my life and go somewhere to rest and heal myself. This story was written on a yellow pad of paper, while I was laying on my bed in a hotel room, propped up with pillows. It took about a half hour to write down. But….how could it end this way?

First of all, this is not the end, but a way to tell us, we keep doing the same things, over and over again. We receive knowledge, wisdom and even love, but then, although we have the memory of it, as taken from our story, “It was more a pleasant feeling of all is well, maybe even a feeling of ecstasy, than remembering any actual details. Finally, I shook it off and decided it was time to jump.” (He shook it off, he didn’t ponder it or try to get the truth to come to light. What do we know deep inside we decide to shake off? Then to jump or perhaps to jump in.....and live in the old stories? To not remember, but to go around and around again.)

The good news is YOU are here and we are all here because we are ready to remember!

We are ready to have Our Enlightenment Now. We are ready, (even called) to share, teach, support, contribute, love and to Remember and Live from a higher vibration where it is natural to know and easy to remember.

Let’s see together, what happens next in the saga of our dear friend in the, “Edge of Endings.”

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